Ha ha. See what I did there?
Of all the crap on television, ANTM is the one show with no objective redeeming values that I enjoy watching. It's totally shallow and objectifying, cheaply produced and often downright stupid. And yet. There's always at least one contestant that I sort of fall in love with: someone who's interesting and intelligent and quirky as well as beautiful (usually in a genuinely "modelesque" way, as the judges are fond of saying, as opposed to looking like a random cosmetics spokesperson) and, insofar as it makes sense to say so, talented when it comes to modeling.
I get a perverse pleasure out of rooting for this underdog, because she never wins. The quirky girl won in the very first "cycle" (for some reason ANTM runs in cycles, not seasons; perhaps to call attention to the fact that it's always basically the same) and Tyra lived to regret it. She and Adrianne Curry had a falling out post-show, due to Adrianne's complaining publicly about the limited support she was receiving in the modeling industry, and her posing in Playboy, I guess.
Last season, there was Allison Harvard, AKA Creepy Chan (a former Internet meme); before that Heather Kuzmich, who had Asperger's and now designs video games; before that Jael Strauss, who got up in 50 Cent's grill at a party (to the extent that he pushed her into the pool).
This season (cycle 13) I'm in love with Nicole, an introverted, redheaded artist. Isn't she gorge?
Don't ask me why she's posing with a freaking horse. I told you this show is stupid.
Nicole seems to consistently have one of the best pictures if not the best, but she never gets picked first. Even if she were a favorite of the judges', she'd still be doomed to lose. She's too weird (she claims her childhood nickname was "Bloody Eyeball" ... I find that hard to believe) and not bubbly enough. She hasn't formed any strong alliances and the other girls didn't like when she defended (i.e., gave a chance to) the hardass woman they all decided to hate. Tyra loves on bubbly. Nicole is doomed. Why do I torture myself with this show? Why? My consolation is that "winning" ANTM is a fairly meaningless honor anyway, if not dubious, if not a downright stigma.
One of the front-runners, experts and analysts agree, is this girl Erin, who I despise. Not only is she not particularly attractive (sorry, kids, but you don't go on ANTM to not be judged on your appearance), but she's the worst kind of bitch: the kind that doesn't self-identify as one. She fights dirty then cries in the van when people call her on it. Nice girl schmice girl. I hope you choke on your lipgloss.
If you're a viewer, I highly recommend the post-show recaps on Fourfour, Rich Juzwiak's blog. They're at least as entertaining as the show, but without the guilt and self-loathing. Yayz.