Thursday, October 29, 2009

The Secret Life of the Very-Late-Twentysomething

This morning I was flipping through a Pacifica catalog while I ate my breakfast--Pacifica is a company that makes like natural perfumes and soy candles and shit--and on the last page there was a photo of some little tins of "solid perfume" and a candle scattered on and around a hardcover copy of To An Idea. The fucking David Shapiro book! Isn't that weird? I wonder if he knows his book is being used as a prop in froofy organic soap catalogs? Do you need permission to use someone's book as a prop? Everyone go buy Pacifica products; they are lovers of pre-post-avant poetry.

More stuff from my writerly life:Other than that ... did you know there's a thing called Snickers Salad? It's a simple salad, in most incarnations but three ingredients: apples, Cool Whip and Snickers. Some variations add other white goo, like vanilla pudding, marshmallow creme or mayonnaise.

Pretty fucked up, huh? Now why would anyone think to put those foodstuffs together in a single dish and serve it to unsuspecting gentlefolk? Because they wouldn't be unsuspecting. Apparently it's a staple at Midwestern potlucks; it belongs there right alongside the tater tot hotdish.

Last night we were googling for references to/images of this unnerving phenomenon and found a small-town community blogger from Wisconsin whose bio begins, "I'm an Ultra-Conservative Alpha Male." Who self-identifies with adjectives like that?! The Internet is hilarious.

10 comments:

  1. "'I'm an Ultra-Conservative Alpha Male.' Who self-identifies with adjectives like that?!"

    ultra-conservative alpha males.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I appreciate the amount of f-bombs dropped in this post.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Wow, thanks. That means a lot coming from you.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I've had Snickers salad (though I don't recall if it was at a potluck). It is a big fucking waste of Snickers.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Mayo-covered Snickers are admittedly repulsive, but is it necessary to bring hate to the tots?

    ReplyDelete
  6. I don't hate on tates. I was just pointing out that they are equally a potluck staple.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I suppose this officially renders Northern Kentucky/Southern Ohio as the South-Midwest, and not the Midwest, because I have never heard of either of those potluck staples.

    Also, I will eat nearly anything, especially if it's junk food related. It's not something I'm proud of, it's just the truth. Okay. So I'm proud of it.

    But mayonaise and snickers grosses me the fuck out.

    I'd still probably try it, but not with the kind of glee eating a dish made with candy deserves.

    ReplyDelete
  8. One of my favorite things growing up (in Iowa) was a casserole that called for a whole bag of Doritos... I'm just saying! It's a miracle I can still see my feet.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Oh wow. Cool Ranch, Nacho Cheese, or chef's choice? Our Nebraskan casseroles were mostly covered with: bread crumbs, potato chips, or those crispy lo mein-esque noodles.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Happy Joe's Pizza (a regional chain) sells a taco pizza that's sprinkled with what appear to be Nacho Cheese Doritos (though it could be a knockoff chip). Ah, the Midwest is for healthy eaters.

    ReplyDelete