- My friend David Castillo from Rice was good at these. Once, we were driving to New Orleans, and he suddenly announced, in an announcer voice, "And now, introducing, Miss River Bridge!" Right after he said it my roommate Kate and I saw the road sign reading:
(you know, as in Mississippi) and just about pissed ourselves.
I realize most of these are going to be you-had-to-be-theres.
- Another time there was a flier pasted up by the 'vators, as we called them, in our "college" (what you call dorms), enticing people to join the Ultimate Frisbee team, with a picture of a guy leaping to catch the "disc" and the tagline "Find out what you're made of." Under that, David wrote "Mostly water."
- David was me and Kate's suitemate; our other suitemate, Will Ray, was also a sheer delight. One day he decided we should come up with a catchy mnemonic for our phone number, or rather, the last four digits, since the first three were the same for everyone on campus, or at least our building. But the best we could come up with for those was "UR1C." Will pointed out that you can keep dialing after seven digits and still get to the right phone number, so we could tack on more letters after the C. For instance, he suggested, our mnemonic number could be 713-348-U-R-1-COCKFACED-FUCKFORCE.
- One of my favorite jokes ever (and prodigiously related to my current career!) was the time Allen typed "pot rulezzzz" into Google and it returned, like, tens of thousands of results. Then he kept adding another z, and another, and no matter how many you added, there were always results.
- Here's one I'm responsible for. I was eating dinner with my friends Robo and Stacey at my brother's old crappy apartment in North Austin back around the millennium (come to think of it all of these so far are Rice-era), and Robo asked my brother what music was playing, and he said Mozart. I added, as though Robo might not be familiar with him, "He's excellent." Sorry. I don't know why, but I still think that's funny.
- I should have some from my brother, but I can't think of any right now except for the time we were at Taco Cabana with Wilson, probably the nicest guy ever (he taught me to play proper (Asian grip) ping pong), and my brother said to him, "Wipe that silly grin off your face, before I tear out your eye and skullfuck you." Sorry. Actually I think the shine is off that one.
- I still think this poem I co-wrote with Kathy several years ago is funny:
Say your prayers, princess--It's like he's gay. For dragons.
I didn't become a knight to meet girls.
I wouldn't slay a dragon--
I became a knight to meet dragons.
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Certain jokes from my past remain funny to me eternally. Do you have any of those? Bottomless jokes. I don't mean the poodle-walks-into-a-bar type of jokes, I mean organic jokes, from my real life. Here are some of mine (Note! Profanity ahead):