Thursday, September 16, 2010

Variations on a whale joke

There's this joke that John likes to tell and this is how he tells it:

A guy walks into a bar and sits down next to a whale. The whale turns to him and says: "[insert realistic whale sounds for 10 to 30 seconds]." Guy looks at the whale and says, "Man, you are wasted."

It's a pretty good joke, but I always thought it would be better if the parts were switched, so the guy makes the whale sounds, like he's trying to communicate, and then the whale says "Man, you are wasted."

Last week this joke came up again (it comes up every six months or so, it seems) and I suddenly realized that they're probably both supposed to be whales. That's probably how he heard it first, but then mixed it up with the standard "guy walks into a bar" opening.

What's you favorite? I think it makes the most sense if they're both whales, but I still kind of like my version best.

18 comments:

  1. if they're both whales, why would one be speaking in english and the other in whale?

    i think i like your version...

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  2. I think the crux if the joke is, they both speak English, but one of them just sounds like he's speaking whale because he's drunk.

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  3. i guess i thought the joke was that since humans can't speak whale, it's funny that this guy is able to distinguish between the speech of a drunk whale and the speech of a sober whale.

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  4. If it's two whales, I think "What the hell did you just say to me?" is at least as good a punchline.

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  5. @Matt: I suppose that's one interpretation. Jokes are like poems, see?

    @Steve: Variations abound. Maybe we should have a punchline contest.

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  6. What blatant speciesism. I find both variations equally highly offensive.

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  7. What'sa matter, don't you like jokes.

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  8. A guy walks into a bar and sits down next to a whale. The whale turns to him and says: [insert whale noises here]. The guy looks at the whale and says, "Oh, yeah, like I've never heard that one before."

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  9. Whale walks into a bar and goes "[insert whale noises]." Man at the bar stands up and shouts "Someone call an ambulance, this man is in pain!"

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  10. Whale walks into a bar, sits down next to a guy. Whale tenderly takes the guy's hand, and says, "[whale noises]". Guy looks stunned. He says, "You mean you went off birth control without telling me?!"

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  11. Guy and a whale walk into a bar.

    Bartender asks, "What'll it be?"

    Whale says, "I'll have a dry gin martini, with krill"

    Bartender turns to the guy and says, "and for you, sir?"

    The guy says, "This landlubber will have a dry martini, too, but with olives."

    Whale spots a couple of young female whales at the end of the bar and makes loud whale sounds for 10 to 30 seconds.

    Guy says, "Dude, stop acting like such a fucking whale."

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  12. I told this job in the quiet HUSHED cell of my glamorous job the first version of it and when I attempted to make the whale sounds a seagull hit our 5th floor window. I carried on with the joke regardless because the show must go on. Not a single word was spoken. Dead silence. The seagull was ok just a little bit stunned.

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  13. Dude. You fucking called a gull. Nice whale sounds.

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  14. Hmm. I never looked at it that way. Maybe I should gather some feathers and French fries and clams and wear them as a necklace and become their Queen.

    Also I meant to write I told this joke not I told this job but I was in a hurry to write it all down and scurry away from reliving my humiliation at my attempted whale sounds. Gull sounds rather.

    xo

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  15. Maybe the reason gulls hang out at the ocean so much is because they have a crush on whales.

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  16. this joke is only funny if your really good at whale noises and u make them go on forever, and that gets the crowd laughing. i dont even think there should be a punch line.

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