After tweeting about my newfound knowledge, Sarang (AKA @excitedstoat) alerted me that the third definition in the OED for "sockdolager" is "Something exceptional in any respect, esp. a large fish." Is that not the greatest? If more definitions ended in the phrase "esp. a large fish," vocabulary would be lots more fun.
Anyway. Blogging luminaries like Patricia Lockwood and Blake Butler frequently like to share the disgusting search queries that led people to their blogs, such as, in Tricia's case, "creature porn" and "owl vagina" (and in Blake's case probably something even worse). Most of the keyword referrers for my own blog are not disgusting (because I'm not an effing sicko, ahem), but nonetheless I thought you might be curious what brings the masses to these pages. Excepting my "brand searches" (searches for "The French Exit" and "Elisa Gabbert" plus many misspellings thereof (elissa gabbeert? just double everything!)) and lots of uninteresting stuff, here's whence I get the mad hits:
- "claire danes": I ripped some crappy photo off a celebrity site and my blog was ranking in the images at the top of the SERP for "claire danes" for a while, but the Claire Danes fanclub traffic has dropped way off this year. Related keywords include "claire danes insecure," "claire danes lousy actress," and "claire danes bitch and unfriendly" (no joke).
- "camouflage": Same deal as above. Someone got here by asking "why is camouflage pixelated" which is exactly what I wanted to know.
- "scare quotes snl": I provide not only funny video but a full rundown of what scare quotes mean.
- "seth abramson": And many variations including "i hate seth abramson" and "why does everyone hate seth abramson."
- "why I am not on facebook": Why would someone google this? Don't they know why they aren't on Facebook? Maybe they don't realize that you have to sign up first. (Something Zuck is probably working on.)
- "brazilian chicken stew": Amazingly, my fake chicken stew recipe is #2 for this query as far as I can tell.
- "jackalopes": Another short-lived image search.
- "dave matthews band tattoos": And "leonard cohen tattos," "tom waits tattoos" etc. Did I ever tell you about the time a girl emailed me and asked me to take down the picture of her tattoo? She just ran across it one day. Hilarious/mortifying.
- "poetry is boring": Nuff said.
- "________ in french": Because the word "French" appears in my blog title, many people arrive here looking for English-to-French translations of fun phrases like "I had a good weekend," "been thinking about you," and "did you bring the money"
- "whale joke": And related, including "whale joke muffin variation" which must have been someone I know.
- Bunch of 10-or-under-hit-wonders: "emo gay sex blogspot," "grace kelly arms," "email@example.com" (!), "wrench porn" (OK I guess I have no claims to spotlessness), "better bald than balding," "if you liked waylander" (only two results for the exact match!), "rabbit run made me cry," "reading poetry to feel," "3 page essay why it's important not to talk during french," "after i saw black swan i felt weird" (ME TOO), "best way to ask for a happy ending," "classy sausage," "do twentysomethings live in northern wisconsin," "flat chested kitten syndrome."
There are literally thousands more, but with that I really have to call it a night.