A: Reader, she carried him.
Q: How did Jane Eyre get the chicken across the river?
A: Reader, she ferried him.
Q: What did she do with the chicken when he died?
A: Reader, she buried him. (Alternate answer: Reader, she marinated him.)
My grandmother used to have a book of elephant jokes, which were apparently big in the '60s. Maybe I'll write a book of Jane Eyre jokes.
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ReplyDeleteYES!
ReplyDeleteQ: How did Jane Eyre provide the chicken with a lofty status?
ReplyDeleteA: Reader, she aerie'd him.
http://www.amazon.com/Elephant-Jokes-Robert-Pollard/dp/B002D6EXU2
ReplyDeleteQ: Why was Chicken fed up with Jane?
ReplyDeleteA: Reader, she harried him.
Q: And when he attacked with his epee?
A: Reader, she parried him.
Q: And when Chick started a lit mag called "Chick"?
A: Reader, she queried him.
Q: And when, pressured by VIDA, he solicited her?
A: A woman, she tarried.
Q: And when she finally sent, Chick's thoughts of her poems?
A: Reader, they varied.
Q: And if you've read these this long?
A: Reader, I'm worried.
Q: And in the end, what did Jane Eyre do with the chicken?
ReplyDeleteA: Reader, she married him.
*
Elephant jokes were for sure everywhere during the '60's -- I heard them from people at school, from family members, relatives, on T.V. once or twice, the neighbors, etc.
Q: How can you tell if an elephant is under your bed?
A: The ceiling is very close.
Q: Why do elephants stand on marshmallows?
A: So they don't fall in the hot chocolate.
Q: Why do elephants have red eyes?
A: So they can hide in cherry trees.
Q: Have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree?
["No."]
That's how well it works.
Q: What's red and white on the outside, and gray and white on the inside?
A: A can of Campbell's cream of elephant soup.
Q: Why did the elephant cross the road?
A: It was the chicken's day off.
Q: Why do elephants wear red suspenders?
A: To hold their pants up.
Q: Why didn't the elephant pay for the pizza?
A: It didn't order anchovies.
Q: Why do elephants wear sunglasses?
A: So they won't be recognized.
Q: Why was the elephant asked to leave the movie theater?
A: It snuck in without buying a ticket.
Q: Why do elephants wear sneakers?
A: So you won't hear them tiptoeing down to the refrigerator at night.
Q: How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?
ReplyDeleteA: Broccoli.
My husband--drosophila geneticist--offers:
ReplyDeleteQ: How many fruitflies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Two, but nobody's sure how they got inside.
"Reader, she queried him" is my favorite.
ReplyDeleteI wrote a poem once about fruitflies screwing. Well, maybe that wasn't what it was *about*, but they were in there. (I put them there.)
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ReplyDeleteI love the rhyming! It almost feels like a renga-ghazal!
ReplyDelete