Sunday, July 24, 2011

Jane Eyre Jokes

Q: How did Jane Eyre get the chicken across the road?
A: Reader, she carried him.

Q: How did Jane Eyre get the chicken across the river?
A: Reader, she ferried him.

Q: What did she do with the chicken when he died?
A: Reader, she buried him. (Alternate answer: Reader, she marinated him.)

My grandmother used to have a book of elephant jokes, which were apparently big in the '60s. Maybe I'll write a book of Jane Eyre jokes.

11 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  2. Q: How did Jane Eyre provide the chicken with a lofty status?
    A: Reader, she aerie'd him.

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  3. http://www.amazon.com/Elephant-Jokes-Robert-Pollard/dp/B002D6EXU2

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  4. Q: Why was Chicken fed up with Jane?
    A: Reader, she harried him.

    Q: And when he attacked with his epee?
    A: Reader, she parried him.

    Q: And when Chick started a lit mag called "Chick"?
    A: Reader, she queried him.

    Q: And when, pressured by VIDA, he solicited her?
    A: A woman, she tarried.

    Q: And when she finally sent, Chick's thoughts of her poems?
    A: Reader, they varied.

    Q: And if you've read these this long?
    A: Reader, I'm worried.

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  5. Q: And in the end, what did Jane Eyre do with the chicken?
    A: Reader, she married him.

    *

    Elephant jokes were for sure everywhere during the '60's -- I heard them from people at school, from family members, relatives, on T.V. once or twice, the neighbors, etc.

    Q: How can you tell if an elephant is under your bed?
    A: The ceiling is very close.

    Q: Why do elephants stand on marshmallows?
    A: So they don't fall in the hot chocolate.

    Q: Why do elephants have red eyes?
    A: So they can hide in cherry trees.

    Q: Have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree?
    ["No."]
    That's how well it works.

    Q: What's red and white on the outside, and gray and white on the inside?
    A: A can of Campbell's cream of elephant soup.

    Q: Why did the elephant cross the road?
    A: It was the chicken's day off.

    Q: Why do elephants wear red suspenders?
    A: To hold their pants up.

    Q: Why didn't the elephant pay for the pizza?
    A: It didn't order anchovies.

    Q: Why do elephants wear sunglasses?
    A: So they won't be recognized.

    Q: Why was the elephant asked to leave the movie theater?
    A: It snuck in without buying a ticket.

    Q: Why do elephants wear sneakers?
    A: So you won't hear them tiptoeing down to the refrigerator at night.

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  6. Q: How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?
    A: Broccoli.

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  7. My husband--drosophila geneticist--offers:

    Q: How many fruitflies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

    A: Two, but nobody's sure how they got inside.

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  8. "Reader, she queried him" is my favorite.

    I wrote a poem once about fruitflies screwing. Well, maybe that wasn't what it was *about*, but they were in there. (I put them there.)

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  10. I love the rhyming! It almost feels like a renga-ghazal!

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