- I was willing to entertain the possibility that men get harassed too. Seems like they do sometimes, but mostly by other men. In other words, men are kind of a threat to everybody. Of course this is a power thing. Situations in which women have more power than men are relatively rare.
- My current social group, which consists overwhelmingly of writers, is overwhelmingly white. I definitely don't think only white men are attractive, but it was hard to think of non-white people that I knew well enough to ask. This was not true of my crowds in high school or college, which were more diverse both superficially (along lines of race, income, etc.) and in terms of interests.
- I'm still trying to decide whether I should bother answering the questions myself. (Beyond "Duh, frequently," etc.) I didn't ask women in the first place because I already know the answers.
- Perhaps the most eye-opening insight for me was this comment from Sarang, in response to my questioning why nerdy introverted guys (often the people in the room I'm most inclined to pursue friendship or conversation with) are as likely as not to avoid me (emphases mine):
There are various reasons one might want to avoid having to deal with friendly attractive women at work: (1) They might be trying to mock you. (2) They might be of the kind that are _into nerds_ -- which, for any sufficiently self-loathing nerd, is a turn-off (qua confirmation of one's own nerdiness). (3) It is bad to get into situations where you end up embarrassing yourself, by mistaking politeness for friendliness or friendliness for attraction. (4) Attractive people are alien and often irritating in the way they interact with the world. On average they tend to be entitled and show-offy compared with others. To the extent that you have no real intention of trying to sleep with someone, attractiveness is arguably a mild net negative.This makes so much sense I can't believe it never occurred to me. I also think "Mild net negative!" is a good thing to shout out when someone attractive walks in the room.
- We now return to our regular programming.
Monday, August 29, 2011
What I learned from my half-assed project
Not all that much, though I found all the interviews interesting. (Obviously, my tiny sample size limits real conclusions.) But anyway: