- The sound of grinding metal; a car crash
- A roaring like a hair dryer or vacuum cleaner or leafblower right in your ear
- A pulsating siren like an alien spaceship landing outside
It's like a horror movie soundtrack half the time, he says. Stress makes it worse but it's kind of an irrepressible physiological response, stress is, when you're hearing noise like that right in your ears, so loud that you're functionally deaf. You can't teach or talk on the phone or sleep or listen to music. He says it's so strange that I can't hear it.
What the F is wrong with him? We don't know, nobody seems to know. Sometimes it switches sides, sometimes it's in both ears. I wish it wasn't in his head. I wish it was pain, somewhere lower down on the body, excruciating pain even, maybe in his leg? That would make me feel better. I wish it was my pain. I would much rather be in pain than watch him listening to his tinnitus.
I love this so much, by Molly Laich: 7 don't kill yourself tips:
1. There’s no such thing as death.
There’s no shortcuts ever, right? You fall asleep here, you wake up somewhere else. No ghost has ever not regretted that time she hanged herself in the basement. Watch Faust. Read Sartre’s No Exit. Don’t be frightened, but for real, there’s no exit.
2. It hurts a lot.
Every kind of suicide hurts. Lots of pills make your organs shut down, like they’re walking down a flight of stairs and also on fire. A gun, a knife, a rope. You’ve seen a magician floundering in a tank with no key. Did it look like a wet hug? You’ll be so alone; don’t do it.
3. Make girls laugh instead.
Think about it: A giggling girl, and you did that to her. What is better? Start by whispering in her ear some acerbic truth about the situation....